Critique my email PT2

Hello again

I took what everyone said in the last post into consideration and was very thankful

Here is a heavily improved version but I'm sure some of you still will have critiques for it which I appreciate!

Below is my cold email to business's who have a shitty IG page and I am offering a management service which I am outsourcing

Please feel free to critique it!

Hello (*insert name) glad to…

Critique my email PT2